The saga of the seagulls continues from the previous post (Haven’t You Heard?) with this update. Here are the three chicks, except they have grown since and wrought mayhem in our garden – reminds me the roof must be cleaned! Two of them finally found their wings and haven’t been seen for a day or so – probably exploring with their new-found freedom. That leaves the smallest who hasn’t yet taken the risk. There’s the occasional flap of the wings, but he (or she) is staying firmly on the ground. Not what he is made for of course.
Now, we are made for flying, it’s our birthright, but it can be scary. Continue reading
Having suffered from chronic fatigue syndrome for a number of years has given me a just an inkling of what it could be like for someone who has experienced far greater pain than me.
Lying here, Father,
I know You are there.
I don’t feel your Presence, but
I do feel the pain and discomfort
that tries to take over
and invade my fatigued soul.
Every aching muscle and sinew
vying for attention and
threatening to melt away the hope.
But as I look to You,
I know You are with me,
feeling my every feeling.
And as I keep on looking
and looking and looking,
reaching out to You,
minute by hour,
heart to Blessed Heart,
Your love seems to take over,
in a way I don’t understand.
Fear goes out the window,
faith and hope rise
and the pain grows dim
just for now –
This was a time when the child in me was deeply touched and moved by the closeness of Father God. I had never written a song before, but these words, simple and personal, just burst out as I walked along the beach. I offer them to you now, just as they came, unfinished. There was a tune too, but I didn’t write that down.
Father Oh Father
I love you I do
I want you to come and love me too
I want to feel you close to me
To walk and talk and play with me
How I love you Father I do
I love to dance and walk with you
I love to see the twinkle in your eyes.
Son, Oh son, I feel so proud
When you come and reach out your hand;
Something happens inside of me
When you want to walk and talk with me.
Daddy, O daddy, I love you too
I love to dance and skip with you,
Come and put your arms around me.
I was catapulted into chronic fatigue after a feeling of loneliness that defied a human solution or change of situation. It was a most painful emotion of abandonment, as if I was the only person in the whole world. Whereas before I was aware of the presence of God, it felt He had gone. This was my own Dark Night of the Soul. I knew I had to trust Him to take me through the chasm of pain to the other side and that He did over a period of several months.
It’s lonely in here, very, very lonely
as if I’m the only person
in the whole wide world
and I’m frightened and hurting
I feel so helpless
I want to go back to how it was before, but I can’t
I want to escape, to run away.
Where are you God?
You seem so far away!
Why have you left me all alone?
In reality he is close
not the feeling, but the real thing
Jesus kneeling at my feet
“What would you have me do for you?”
What a God! at my feet!
Waiting patiently for the word
Yes, yes Lord, but .. but I need a lifeline
but yes, yes Lord, yes!
And as the yes’s and the trusting grew
and except for the odd backward glance
the journey entered upon
standing empty in the barren desert
feeling the feelings with Him
I remind myself
he will not let me down
he will not let me be tempted more than I can bear
as my eyes become accustomed to the darkness
I find beauty to behold
diamonds and precious stones
hidden behind the pain
memories that heal and not hinder
heart to blessed heart
words of love
the pain starts to lift
and the anxieties start to melt away
Until the time when I feel His embrace
and do you know
it can actually hurt to be loved
but Lord don’t stop
Is this the end
no, it’s just the beginning.
Filed under Christian, Christianity, chronic fatigue, healing, health, illness, Jesus, M.E., personal, spiritual, writing