It’s Lonely In Here

Church Window blog2I wrote this very personal piece some years ago, when I was catapulted into chronic fatigue and loneliness that defied a human solution.

Whereas before, I was aware of the presence of God, it felt He had gone – this was my own Dark Night of the Soul.

I knew I had to trust Him to take me through the chasm of pain to the other side and that He did over a period of several months. Read More….

It’s lonely in here, very, very lonely
as if I’m the only person
in the whole wide world
and I’m frightened and hurting
I feel so helpless
I want to go back to how it was before, but I can’t
I want to escape, to run away.

Where are you God?
You seem so far away!
Why have you left me all alone?

In reality he is close
not the feeling, but the real thing
Jesus kneeling at my feet
“What would you have me do for you?”
What a God! at my feet!
Waiting patiently for the word
Waiting, waiting…
Yes, yes Lord, but .. but I need a lifeline
but yes, yes Lord, yes!

And as the yes’s and the trusting grew
and except for the odd backward glance,
the journey entered upon,
standing empty in the barren desert,
feeling the feelings with Him
I remind myself
He will not let me down,
He will not let me be tempted more than I can bear
and …

as my eyes become accustomed to the darkness
I find beauty to behold,
diamonds and precious stones
hidden behind the pain,
memories that heal and not hinder,
heart to blessed heart
words of love
the pain starts to lift
and the anxieties start to melt away.

Until the time when I feel His embrace
– and do you know
it can actually hurt to be loved!
But Lord don’t stop.

Is this the end?
no, it’s just the beginning.

“I will give you the treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the LORD, the God of Israel, who summons you by name.” Isaiah 45:3 New International Version

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