First Things First

Just when I thought certain symptoms and aspects of chronic fatigue were a thing of the past, I had a minor relapse. All the difficulties and infections etc. in the three months up to last Christmas took their toll. Fatigue reared its head and I had to step back and start yet again on the slow journey to recovery.

On top of that the hormone therapy treatment for prostate cancer added acute tiredness. It’s like a sort of ‘chemical’ tiredness that comes and goes, resistant to the healing effect of rest or sleep.  The resultant fog of fatigue (which see) is different but still trying.

However, these are early days and I am in a new learning ground. Now and again, without warning, this fog suddenly  lifts and I am presented with a ‘window’ of alertness that is delicious. Awareness and senses are restored. How long this window lasts varies, but usually no more than a few hours. So what am I to do with this sharp time?

My greatest desire is for intimacy with Father. He is my lifeline and way forward. I also believe God has promised to heal me. He has brought me so far, often in remarkable ways, and is not going to dump me now, but abiding in intimacy is vital. So my decision is clear and obvious. Giving time first and foremost for intimacy is my top priority, important commitments aside. After all, we are told in the Bible if we look to God as a top priority, all ‘these other things’ will be looked after. (Matthew 6:33)

There lies the struggle. I long to revel in this fresh freedom and clarity, to write, meet with others or engage – within my restrictions – in some pressing project which in itself could have the potential to send me back into the fog.

The decision is really a no-brainer, so hopefully I follow the Spirit’s leading!  Once decided upon and seated, problems and discomforts laid aside, the conversation develops until silence descends and hope rises. Always different, but if nothing else, there is the exquisite preciousness of just being with Father to keep me focused for what’s left of the day.

First things first!


1 Comment

Filed under biography, Christian, christian personal, Christianity, chronic fatigue, creativity, disability, healing, health, health & wellness, illness, Jesus, lifestyle, M.E., personal, retirement, seniors, spiritual, writing

One response to “First Things First

  1. so sorry to hear you are having a bit of a set back with the CFS symptoms…I expect your body has worked hard with the cancer and the other illnesses. Shows how far you had come.
    I like what you said about God healing you.I am trying to find that for myself. He has certainly provided the people and the ways, now if my body will respond.
    Hope you and yours are having a good day.

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