It’s Under My Nose

tn_source-of-the-derwent.jpgI am light years away from the busyness and activity that was my world before I was laid low and diagnosed with CFS/ME! Gone are the ‘badges’ I used to wear and polish with pride: ‘engineer’, ‘manager’, ‘chairman of trustees’, ‘counsellor’, ‘prayer minister’, ‘regional leader’, ‘mountain climber’.

The only badge I have now is ‘beloved of Jesus.’ My favourite Bible character then, was Elijah strutting his stuff on the top of Mount Carmel. A more appropriate personality now, would be Amos, sitting under a fruit tree keeping an eye on his sheep.

This is one of my oil paintings. It’s of the source of the River Derwent in the Peak National Park of England. On one of those sort-after sorties into the wilderness. I followed the river as a stream, winding round higher and higher through the moorland heights. The sides of the valley were splashed in heather in bloom and the banks of the tiny stream rippling between banks covered in vivid green moss. A beautiful stimulating scene, it still stirs me when I look at it.

I have since had to learn new ways, working with ‘what is!’. No more assaults on moorland crags and traversing mountain ridges to complete a challenge. I have become content with a few hundred yards gentle amble – at the most, on the flat, with the wind behind me, on a good day – just to ‘be’ and taking in what is close to. There wasn’t time before, I was in too much of a rush. I now appreciate what is ‘under my nose’ so to speak. This was what my heart longed for, what my soul was crying our for. Be still and take it in. The blackthorn blossom on stark black branches, the kestrel poised for the attack, the early powdery willow catkins shaking in the breeze.

I have found that there is life in the solitude. A change from ‘head’ to ‘heart’. Much-needed time for relationship, first with Father, then my wife and family and the occasional friend. To stop and listen and consider.

The transition between the two worlds was hard, even painful, devastating, and at first most unfair. It was like being catapulted into the unknown. The way forward through the fog was only indicated by a signpost with one word, ‘God!’ I am so glad that I was given the grace to go this way.

But note: there came a time for Amos to go in obedience and deliver his message.

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3 Comments

Filed under art, artist, Christian, Christianity, chronic fatigue, creativity, disability, family, healing, health, health & wellness, illness, Jesus, lifestyle, M.E., personal, relationships, retirement, spiritual

3 responses to “It’s Under My Nose

  1. I love this watercolour!

    We were in the peak district in early Spring 1987. I could walk the moors then. For Christmas morning we joined a family who enjoyed hiking up Snowden to see the sunrise each year. Those were good times.

    I’m getting a scooter soon so I can continue to go shopping with my family. I wonder if it’s an all-terrain. 😉

  2. wayfarerjon

    So you have some similar memories – yes they were good times. You may smile, but my wife and I tried out an all-terrain scooter a few weeks ago – quite an experience!

  3. Was it easy to control? I’m a bit anxious about using a scooter but am so tired of being stuck at home.

    Losing the labels was hard for me as well – blogging has helped me to feel I still have a way to be a “teacher.” It’s a whole new world…

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