How Are You?

tn_how-are-you.jpgWhen I was diagnosed with M.E. I was thrust into another world – challenging and scary. I was looking to God for the way forward. I knew He understood, but I wanted someone with ‘flesh on!’ to share my experience with. I am really blessed with an understanding wife, but I would have liked someone outside of family to listen.

If I met someone and was given more than the usual greeting and was actually asked “How are you?” I would often make the mistake of thinking they really wanted to know, so I’d tell them! There were notable exceptions, but often it was when eyes began to glaze over, that I realised I’d gone too far, and wished I hadn’t spoken.

Some even took the initiative and told me how well I was looking. “You do look well!” That left me wondering, what on earth I looked like before? I felt I was being kept at arms length, possibly because they couldn’t handle it. So I would thank God that I looked good, but inside I felt alone in my struggle.

I recognised this sort of talk of course, because I was just the same. I liked to think I knew better, but in actuality I was no different. In my ‘busyness’ and indifference I’d say similar things to stay aloof. The reality was that I was also keeping God at a distance to some extent. This surprised me, because I believed in a God who knew all about me and had all the answers. More than that, Father God was there for me with open arms to comfort and heal.

My response to Father’s open invitation was to reach out to Him daily, often in silence through a ‘fog’ of fatigue, but also sometimes in a flow of released expression. I was also learning more and more, to ‘nestle and not wrestle!’ What touched me so deeply, was the realisation that He not only understood, but that He actually felt my pain.

From time to time there would be an added bonus, often coming completely out of the blue. Two people tuning in, gelling together for that moment, precious sharing. They were times to be treasured.

The journey has had its ups and downs, and continues today. But I can look back over the last few years however and see where I have come from. The difference is, that although I have an illness, it does not have me! More importantly I know much more that I am understood and am learning to live with other people’s misunderstandings. Perhaps, little by little, I am beginning to put ‘me’ out of the picture and seek to understand, rather than be understood. I have also come to realise that I can only give out to the degree that I have received, otherwise I am in danger of giving out empty words.

One day I may even measure up to the prayer of Saint Francis: “O Lord …. grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; to be understood as to understand …”

I would now like to ask “How are you?”

PS: Don’t forget to read my ‘About’ page – see sidebar.

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4 Comments

Filed under Christian, Christianity, chronic fatigue, family, healing, health, health & wellness, illness, personal, relationships, Uncategorized

4 responses to “How Are You?

  1. Be assured that I know how you feel. For I have felt that way for over 15 years now; but I haven’t “found” a doctor who has any idea what is physically wrong with me.

    Therefore: I am very curious about what you have come to know about M.E. In fact: I don’t know what that even means. I will let my mouse do some hunting; but I would greatly appreciate any help that you would want to give when you feel up to it.

    Now in regards unto what “really” matters: that is something that I can help you with when wanted. For our Heavenly Father has personally revealed many great and wonderful things about Himself and the righteousness of all of His most awesome ways unto me.

    No, that is not meant to sound as if I am coming from a much more spiritually-mature position. For I have been given much; but since He has not told me otherwise: who am I to assume that He has not given you even more???

    Be assured that I will not be coming from a “count it all joy” position, either. For I have not been made that strong yet.

  2. wayfarerjon

    Thanks for our comment. I started this blog to openly disclose my struggles, joys and discoveries. Currently the posts are still looking back, but watch this space for more revelations as I come more up to date.

    I believe in a God who heals today but have come to realise that healing is not usually instant and involves the whole of me. The main discovery so far is that ‘what really’ matters to me is intimacy with Father God. There is the joy and the battle.

    I understand your concerns and appreciate your offer – I will get back to you.

  3. I’m reading my feelings over and over again. Your writing speaks clearly to me.

    I still wonder what the cause of the illness could be. I lived in England for many months in 1986-87 and became very ill. Of course I wasn’t too healthy to begin with – I can go back to childhood and realize I have always had a weak constitution. Oh well, I’ll make the doctor rounds again to see if anything has changed. Just rambling…….Sorry.

    Thanks for expressing yourself so well – it helps to read my thoughts through your words.

    Blessings to you ~Michelle.

  4. wayfarerjon

    I don’t discount what the doctor may say – there may be something new. But we can ask ‘doctor’ Jesus to show us if there is anything we should know, that we may have missed.

    I try to be honest and real in what I write and pleased it can be helpful.

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